Tuesday, 8 September 2015

The repeat button

It's late. I find myself sitting on my bed right next to my window where I can see the moon so perfectly beautiful and so full of herself. 
I am not too sure why I am writing this post.  In fact, I don't even want to publish this but I know that we all have these days and since this blog came out I feel more confident and I don't want to share just the beautiful things of life. This isn't about what products I have bought, what make up I am using today or what place I am going to visit. Sometimes we need to escape from life. 
It's when the night comes that everything comes across my mind. I don't use my blog just to report positive aspects. I have bad days too. Really bad days. 
I don't like to expose my life on the internet and I am not going to, but I just felt like I should write down what I am feeling. I know it will make me feel happier, at least that's what I used to do when I was little.

What do you think life is? Do you find yourself in the right track? Ready for everything new that might come? I am not and I don't... Sometimes I don't even know anything. It's just too much to handle. 

I don't know if I should even feel this way because I am a happy person, I have a house, food on the table everyday, I have a lovely family, but what I want the most at the moment, I don't have. Love. Be loved. To love someone and not feeling the same in return.

Sometimes I just want to press the Stop Button and go anywhere do anything. Alone. We need to take a break from life, from everything and get out of my routine. Leave the city, spend time on my uncle's... Away from this. But even if I do that, the problems would still be here for when I come back, they would still be here waiting for me to fix them. But I am tired of fixing problems and thinking that I can archive another test and sudenly life makes me remake the same test! 

I am looking at the moon right now... She is still there looking at me, perhaps thinking I am being silly again but I am not. I have tried, and tried and tried but the Repeat Button is stuck right now. I cannot press it again, I can only go forward. The question is: Is the person capable of follow me and be always by my side every time I need? I don't believe in that to be honest. At this time is quite difficult being able to trust again in the same words and no acts. 

I don't want to be wrong, I don't want be unfair but that's what I feel. This is what lives in my mind and doesn't let me press the Repeat Button so I can repeat the amazing things I have lived. There are such amazing moments, amazing memories I would love to repeat and smile in the same way I smiled... but I have to depend on someone, and that someone doesn't seem to help me.

Anyway, time has passed, it's late.. literally. I tried to sleep but I kept looking at the window and writing this was The solution. I am sorry if this is not what you expected but well... guess what? I have bad days too, I cry too, I am a sensitive person too. But I will cheer up, I know myself, I can be really sad today and be completely different tomorrow. But don't forget... To smile doesn't mean you are happy, you are just hidding what you feel because saying "I am fine thanks" it's much easier than explaining what really matters. And most of the time people don't want to know how you are, they just ask because it gives them a good looking. 

A tip! Be around my friends, be with my family, be on my blog, shopping, be dancing are the things that makes me forget the Real World.


  1. Querida... Não sei porquê mas eu sinto que precisava de ler algo como o que escreveste. Algo que explicitasse tal como eu me sinto e como me tenho sentido. Obrigada por teres conseguido pôr em texto o que eu nem sequer havia conseguido perceber que estava a sentir!
    Só quero dizer que ter maus dias não faz de ti uma pessoa diferente mas sim um ser humano absolutamente normal e sensível! Melhores dias virão, acredita! É desta maneira que teu tento, sempre, pensar!
    Obrigada, mais uma vez! <3
    Beijinhos grandes e muitas felicidades! <3

    1. Obrigada minha querida, foi preciso mesmo muita coragem para ter conseguido publicar aquilo. Surgiu do nada, peguei no meu computador e simplesmente escrevi e digo-te que me senti MUITO melhor apesar de continuar com a dor aqui dentro. Obrigado pelo apoio! Muito mesmo! <3 beijinhos grandes e com um abraco de amiga

  2. love the shot of your hair Ana! :) Nominated you for the Liebster: http://hapinesswherever.com/2015/09/10/liebster-award/ :)